| Nov. 7th, 2005 @ 11:29 pm (no subject) |
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ho humm...
you know.. its funny.. you try to be civil about something, and some people just don't see it that way.. its sad.. it really is.. honestly.. all whom read this, how many times have a publicly attack a certain someone... oh.. please do tell..
i may be a fat truck driver.. but hey.. it happens..
but mister billy badass.. who are you to pass judgment on me? who are you to say that i will be the same way, and who are you to say she was happy when she was with you.. shit even she will tell you she didn't know what was going on in her head.. but its funny.. cause when someone gets so much smoke blown up their ass about something. they tend to have a construed veiw about that something.. did you honestly take 2 seconds out to think of her.. or were you to busy saying things to the effect of " fuck him, im much better then he" its funny, cause you don't have to say those words directly and you still say them.. why don't you ask her how many names i have called you privately.. oh wait.. maybe a time or two.. yet, every time you hear my name, " whats that faggot want" is the first thing to fly out of your mouth.. hrmm. yea very adult.. very caring, and indeed, very intellegent.. im tired of seeing these statements saying how i walked right into the room yelling and screaming and thats all i ever did.. please.. get off your little horse of a ego and take a look at the big picture.. i don't care how obbsessed you are with someone (( as mandy will openly tell you she was with me) but if thats all i ever did, then don't you think we would have never made it almost 3 years.... hrmm theres an interesting point josh, lets elaborate a bit. well.. if all i did was hurt her.. then perhaps you would like to clue me in on why she initiated talking with me again? perhaps you would like to let me know why the "love of your life" was asking me " i want to know if i can still talk to you like i always could", but yet i spent 2 months trying to convince her that she could, and the only response i could get was, i can't talk to you.. oh wait, cause little self rightoues "hero" of the day thinks talking to josh is a bad idea... well there bud, of course it was to you.. it was a threat to YOU being happy, fuck mandy's happiness... thats all you thought.. of yourself.. and it shows.. you know how many people that don't know the situation and just sit back and go, wow, what a self centerd ass he is making of himself.. no you never lied to her.. of course not.. but bud, when you send someone emails, your nuts are in a vice, because guess what.. that person might save one or two for someones veiwing pleasure.. now i havn't let her read the really bad ones, so don't worry.. partly because i deleted them.. but i did keep one.. oh but wait, "its josh lieing again, he somehow, between being on the road, and being with you mandy, he hacked into my computer and sent himself emails from my name to himself.. and made him self look like me by mispelling every other word ,and using no form of punctuation whatsoever".. (which is another topic we shall discuss later..)
the whole " i think josh is a really great guy, and still want to be friends with him" bullshit is getting annoying too.. please matt, admit your terrifed and you know that steph and kev are right, and let that be that.. i made a promise to you one day by the river, and i came about || that close to keeping it.. count your blessings that i didn't and drop it. but telling me you want a " TRUTH" ( i think you ment truce, but im not too certain, please let me know) and you can never forgive me for what i did, but you can't help me and mandy being friends and yadda yadda yadda.. how self centered can you get? honestly? " yes, now everyone hear this, i want forgivness from someone who knows nothing about a situation, or the whole story, and if i don't get forgivness form this person, i will be heart broken" oh wait.. hear that, my heart is still ticking.. hrmm.. ( detecting the sarcasm yet?)
sigh.. this publicly bashing thing is fun and all, but kinda tiresome and so not me..
i go back to a previous post where "someone" ( thank you by the way "someone" you know who you are, i owe you guys dinner) put , and i quote " looks like matty has the love of his life all wrapped up" hrmm what was your response.. yes.. show your age some more.. do it! go ahead, look it up, i am not mistaken.. that has been on my mind since the day it happend.. but until now have i waited to say something.. shit all of this has been on my mind, aching to come out. oh but wait.. i just don't run off with the mouth, and then backtrack like a mo fo for fear of repercussions from a certain someone.. i think of that someone first and if it comes out that saying such things will make trouble for that someone,or will hurt me in the long run, then it doesn't get said.. hrmm..
i have not brainwashed kev and steph.. so please.. do everyone a favor, cut your losses and apologize to them. we just aggree that you need to find some other alternatives of expressing your obsessions. because what your doing is not only hurting the one you "love" but don't even know, your only in the end gonna hurt yourself.. ( no one take this the wrong way) they don't care that much for mandy and what happens to her, and i could give more care to the dump i took this afternoon then i could ever give about you. but sadly, this "im right, your wrong" adtitude you have with everyone is really taking its toll.. and do you know what is 10000000000 times worse then pyshical pain? mental..
honestly matt, how well do you know her? ask yourself this.. all you know is what has happend between me and her.. maybe some more stuff, but not much, how do i know? no she has not explained it.. and i don't want her too.. but learning about a person takes time.. alot of time.. ask your parents.. 20-1 says they learn something new every day.. but to say they are the love of your life.. blah blah blah.. that takes time, and alot of patience.. and i do mean alot of pateince. how do i know? well i don't for sure, but if you look around and learn to use your surroundings a little better, you may be able to make the same assumptions.
well onto the final thing on my mind for the night.. your typeing.. good god kid.. do you know what the space, backspace, and enter keys mean? not to mention the keys with all the little funny symbols like. ' ; . ? \ $ # ! ( ) i was once told that reading your material made them nautious. and the gods honest truth, it does it to me too.. i cringe when i see something more then a few lines written by you.. and the spelling. good god, i mean im not the best, and i spell alot of shit wrong, but damn dude. and please, do everyone a favor.. and learn where the spaces go.. b causei ti squite hard tor ead sme thingw hen it isno t all toget her correctly.
ok, im done.. alot of shit gets bottled up after awhile, and allthough i had a good time writing that, and it felt good. if i never have to do it again, i will be a made man..
good night all..
and matt, i know, fuck me right? |
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